can't stop me now

asher officially started crawling yesterday. he did an army crawl towards mom's ottoman and realized, wow i actually got somewhere without rubbing my face in the carpet =). he seemed to like the new move and kept on practicing. he's starting to move really fast and felix and i are getting tired trying to prevent the inevitable faceplants, bump on the lil noggin', etc... it's amazing how fast he learns and gets himself into awkward predicaments. we've got our hands cut out for us.

six months

asher is six months old today! amazing how time has gone by. he is such a delight and we are totally in love with him. kona has also taken to asher. asher is super active now, constantly rolling around and moving his legs. we call him happy feet or our riverdancer (aka michael flatley =)). he just moves so much and is always smiling.

movin' n kickin'

asher's crawling!!! sort of... he's rolling from place to place and kicking his legs to propel him. it won't be long now till he'll be crawling from here to there! we're not ready =)!

wingman

last saturday we went to visit auntie mildred, uncle milton, and my new cousin logan.
i had a great time playing on logan's floor gym while he slept,

then we took some funny pictures.

it was good seeing them. can't wait till we're old enough to have lots of fun *wink*wink!
lock up your daughters!!

falling asleep with poppa

mommas & poppas

holy @%$^!

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

it was one of those days! i deleted all the pictures from my sd card when i should have been transferring them to the laptop. i went online to get a program to recover what was deleted and it worked. unfortunately the videos and audios that i took of asher were lost, but was able to retrieve the pictures. note to self: transfer pics as soon as possible.

a recovered shot...just chillin'

trick or treat

like my bib, it's from my aunt sheryl in california. thanks auntie sheryl! so...i'm thinkin' candy would be good right about now... but momma and poppa think i'm still too young.

here are more pics of me in my penguin costume.

colds...ick

asher caught a cold in daycare last week. he started out with a runny nose the prior week and then the cold settled in last week and is still with him. he was so kind to pass it on to momma and then we passed it on to poppa. it's inevitable, whenever the baby gets sick the parents soon follow.

going to school

no...no...asher is not going to school, school yet =). he's going to daycare. inang calls daycare school since asher is learning to be without momma, poppa, and inang while we are all at work. it's really hard leaving him to go to work, but momma's gotta earn to keep baby clothed and fed =). he's three months and two weeks old! amazing how much he's grown. he's 24 inches and i'm sure 11.5 pounds. asher's smiling and laughing and staying awake more. he's very social and let's you know he wants to be a part of the conversation. i love seeing him smile, it warms my heart and is very healing.
attached is a video of his smiles. we can't get enough of him. click here also for some newer pics of asher.

let's go up

so what else is new??? why not remodel our home... yes, on top of felix getting a new job, having a baby, we decided to move ahead with REMODELING OUR HOME! yah, we're nuts... our lives are in complete disarray right now. but we need the extra room. asher can't sleep in our room forever =). the projected completion is the week before thanksgiving, but we all know that date is flexible. we're adding two bedrooms, full bath, and sitting area. we're excited and can't wait.

ouch!

asher had his shots on friday, 14 sept. was not fun for little guy. he had one of those silent cries and when he finally announced his pain, boy, it was quick get him on momma to nurse to soothe him.

he didn't do too bad, we kept an eye on him. he had a hot spell and i applied cool wipes around his neck and head and this seemed to calm him down some. the nursing really helped alot, so momma was at his beck and call. anything to help asher feel better and comfortable. i can't imagine how much pain babies go through. poor little people... throughout the next day he was off and on fussing, but by midday he was smiley again. hopefully he's out of the woods and will be feeling much better. our little man will be 13 weeks tomorrow and looks like growing out of his colic. we're praying so that's for sure.

he currently weighs in at 10 lbs. 12 oz. way to go little man! love you!

too cute for my own good

these are poppa's favorite pics of asher. he thought they would look cute in sequence. here they are:

he was making faces while sleeping that i just couldn't resist taking a picture of. enjoy!

shout outs

i just wanted to take this time to send a shout out to some absolutely wonderful women in my life. i call them momma's angels.

my mom...who on the week felix went back to work gave me a surprise visit and took care of me and asher. i was at my lowest that day, baby blues, sleep deprivation, hunger, all the nasties, etc... and mom came into our house, directed me to go take a nap while she sat with asher. it was wonderful! i didn't nap all too well, but her presence has been and continues to be comforting and reassuring. she was my angel that day. love you mom!

my sister-in-law helen...who has been supportive, encouraging, and helpful. she and jon have taken me and asher out so that we could bond with each other and not get cooped up in the house. it has been great going places with them and hearing their stories about parenting and that i'm not/we're not alone in this new adventure.

my sister-in-law susan...who has loved me through "my days". i am so thankful that she is around to speak truth and love into my life about mothering and parenting. her honesty makes me feel like i'm "ok", that i'm not crazy, and that it does "get better and sweeter".

my mom-in-law...who has been sweet to us in so many ways. she has taken care of us and loved us in the early days and continues to take care of us. her kindness has been healing and comforting and we always look forward to being with her to be spoiled. she truly does spoil us.

firsts

asher gave momma his first smile on friday, 30 august. it was the cutest thing. felix asked if it was gas, of course not, he smiled at me twice. then asher gave momma & poppa smiles all around on saturday. we were absolutely thrilled!

he started giggling as well whenever we changed his diaper, of course whenever he's calm and not shrieking. we found his tickleish spots, around his thighs and his sides. poor guy, momma and poppa know the torture spots =). he's got the cutest laugh too!

asher also discovered his mouth late saturday night when he should have been sleeping. it was the cutest thing. i didn't know if i should continue to let him explore or put him to sleep. i decided on the latter, cuz poor guy was sooo strung out. he needed to sleep bad. he had his one month party saturday night at tasty chinese cuisine in des plaines, and was quite charming for all his guests. such a cutie.

with aunt louisa at the one month dinner

after coming home from the dinner, we settled in for the night, i nursed him down but he woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep. he must have been recapping the night's events because he was up for a few minutes when he discovered his mouth with both of his hands. his eyes widened and immediately he went to town exploring his mouth. he had both hands in his mouth and was shoving them in deep causing himself to gag and choke. he seemed to enjoy the new sensation and discovery, he just couldn't stop and kept on gagging. it was cute to see him discover his mouth, but it was already nearing 11pm and i figured a good mom would at least try to get him to sleep. so i quickly swaddled him and turned the t.v. on to his favorite channel.

it was quite an eventful day for our little guy.

big brother

i thought it would be great to share a little bit about asher's big brother =)...who is a dog. kona was our first foray into parenting. when felix and i got married he immediately announced he wanted a dog. i on the other hand didn't really grow up with pets on a regular basis. we had our occasional stray stay with us and a couple of attempts at owning a puppy german shepherd and puppy west highland terrier. well, we didn't do so well so those cute little guys ended up at loving homes.

i told felix to do his research and come back to me in a year with his findings and then we can seriously talk about it. i thought great, that'll put the idea out of his mind. the end of the year came and he was all prepared with breeds and specific information for each breed (lab, akita, & boxer). he wanted a solid dog, one good in an apartment (in the event we didn't own when we got the dog), good with kids, and easy to live with. he took a liking to boxers and had a few breeders already lined up to check out. i was very impressed with his desire for a pet. well, he got me to go to a breeder somewhere out in northern illinois to see a litter of boxers. the place was pretty remote and the place seemed kinda creepy, but the puppies, i totally fell in love and decided that i was on board for one. unfortunately we weren't prepared at that time to get one.

we prayed for an opportunity when it would be good to get one and when we got our home, our kona shortly came after. we found a great breeder right in chicago, northwest side of town. met with her(janice). this was her first litter and she wanted to make sure the puppies were going to good homes. we had an extensive interview and viewing and it all worked out just perfectly. we didn't have much of a choice, but god knew which one belonged to us. that's how we got kona.

the whole adjustment to this new life in our lives was kinda similar to getting used to asher. only difference, we can leave kona at home alone =). we've had our ups and downs with him, but all in all he has been loyal, faithful, and loving. he lives up to every bit of the boxer's description. he has become more grey (silvery as they put it), but he still has that spring in his step. only difference is he's mellowed down considerably faster. we are blessed to have him in our lives and can't wait till asher can enjoy playing with him. we pray for many more happy years with kona. we love you bubba and we know you and asher will be the best of friends (brothers).

felix built a page dedicated to kona on our personal website, check it out here for more adorable pics of our wonderful dog.

you'll be my little man

asher attended his first concert as well as having a song dedicated to him. our cousins, danny, liz, & storey, were here from new york performing at ravinia on saturday, 25 august. they perform really cool children's music. check out their website called you are my flower. the music is folksy and a great listen, especially for kids (the title of the blog entry is part of a song, pretty baby, on one of their albums). these are just some pictures i wanted to share. for more pictures, check them out here.

the day started out hairy, but by the end it was absolutely wonderful. we trekked out to highland park and met up with jon, helen, and mateo, as well as our friends sarah & cadence, jenn, john, & ada. mateo was quite smitten with the girls, such a ladies man.

danny, liz, & storey dedicated a song to asher, which is my favorite: liza jane. too bad we missed it since we were 30 minutes late (got off at the wrong exit twice and then got lost). but we're glad we got to see them and hear them. they are abolutely wonderful! we're sooo proud of them, they are doing so well. storey is becoming quite the entertainer, following after her parents, they are all sooo gifted.

then we headed to northbrook court for lunch and some light shopping. and guess who we see having lunch after the concert?! our cousins... we finally parted ways after taking some pictures to remember our day. it was really great seeing them and we definitely want to keep in touch with them.

dear cousins, let's do keep in touch. let's not let distance keep us apart, our parents have shared great memories together and we would like to do the same with you. whenever you're in town give us a call, let us know, we'll have some filipino home cooked meals ready for your arrival. at least we'll try or order from someone who really know how's to cook it =). much love and blessings to you all.

toughen me up

we were out and about again on thursday, 23 aug, with uncle jon, aunt helen, & manong mateo. we did a target and costco run and headed to chilli's for lunch.

mateo not happy being strapped in the cart

went well, asher was actually quite accomodating outside the car. inside the car in his carseat was another scene. less than accomodating, crying off and on just to catch his breath and cry some more. don't know when he'll take to his carseat. you'd think the security and tightness of the carseat would make him feel secure, rather he looks and lets us know, that he is uncomfortable.

we used our car so mateo's carseat was right next to asher's. when mateo woke up from his nap to the sounds of asher's song =), mateo reached out to touch asher to reassure him that things were going to be ok. it was very sweet. i think they'll be great friends...

on our ride home, mateo was in an awnery mood and started displaying his "affection" for asher =). he would reach into asher's carseat to hold his hand and then squeeze it much to asher's discomfort. asher responded with a wail of a protest on top of his lovesong. mateo's next response...

if you can't tell, that's mateo's foot in asher's hand

well son...we've got to toughen you up so you can keep up with your manong!

much love to you guys for taking us out again. i really do enjoy being with you guys, i hope you guys feel the same way. you must love asher's song to keep inviting us...

help! held hostage by my son

yah...pretty frightening. asher has been having one of his "days". happy hour started at 9am today and has lasted until 4:30ish when poppa came home. he was on and off crying since 9am. here was the day...

9am cry, nurse, cry, nurse, snooze, hold for 20 mins, put down after holding, crying
10am cry, nurse, cry, nurse, snooze, hold for 20 mins, put down after holding, cry to be held
and so on until 1pm - mom sneaks a 10 min meal
1:20pm cry, nurse, cry, nurse, snooze, hold for 25 mins, cry, cry, cry, cry
2:30pm still crying, mom takes kona out for potty so we can go pick up poppa since he's already up
2:50pm traffic horrible, call poppa and let him know he has to take the train home, asher sitting comfortably and quietly in carseat, take this opportunity to take a long drive home, still quiet, ride around the neighborhood to checkout what the storm did
3:15pm arrive at home, still quiet, soon as take out of carseat crying begins, change diaper, nurse him to calm, still nursing, falls asleep, hold for 20 mins, stirs awake, crying begins
4pm nurse to calm, nods off to sleep, decide to hold him until felix gets home at 430pm

we decide to go for kona's walk since he's stirring to wake up. we walk the neighborhood taking in the sites as asher finally falls asleep. when we get home, he wakes up and felix bounces him until 730pm with white noise playing loud, after 30 mins of bouncing attempts to put him down in his crib and ends up waking up. shift change, i resume the bouncing, but instead he's swaddled and bouncing in his bouncer. finally nods off to slumberland at 750pm and is now sleeping peacefully.

whew...hopefully he'll sleep long and deep to give us a break.

it just seems we can't do much when he's not so happy. colic is a horrible condition to have and poor asher is just too cute to be this way. i'm going to fatten him up so he gains weight and pray for healthy development of his digestive system. books say when he's at 11 lbs, his body is getting stronger so the colic won't be so bad. that'll be in 2 weeks, hoping so...

happy 2 month birth

happy two month birthday sweet baby boy! (actually it's tomorrow)

asher had his 2 month well baby check up today and he is doing well. we've been saying that he looks bigger, longer, chunkier, etc... and the outcome:

weighs in at 9 lbs. 1 oz
height is at 22 inches
head circ is at 37.5 cms

he's growing, changing in sooo many ways. he smiled at us today in the doctor's office. he is too cute!

we love you asher!

full circle (dette's post)

borrowed from cousin bernadette's blog, figured i'd tag on to what she posted. i love our cousins... bernard, bernadette, and aj came by to visit us (me, mom, asher, & mateo) at mom's house last friday, 3 august. it was sooo sweet of them to come. we used to babysit them when they were youngens'. we had such fond memories of rock river, barbeques, picnics, and daddy dinners at greasy spoons (franksville tacos...mmm). they were only able to sneak a peek at asher because he was sleeping and also slept the whole time they were there. maybe when aj's birthday party comes he'll be older and more awake (pleasantly awake i hope =)).

it was great just sharing memories and making new ones as we watched aj and mateo play with their awesome uncle banard =) (aj's name for bernard). mateo had such a great time we all had to try to calm him down because he started wheezing and getting all sweaty. it was really good, because prior to that mom was trying to put him down for a nap and he wouldn't go down, but as soon as they left, mateo was out like a light. bernadette was such a great encouragement to me, she shared her mothering experiences with me when she had aj and listened to me and encouraged me as i shared my experiences with asher. what i appreciate from bernadette is she's real and tells it like it is. i am soo glad and thankful that bernard and bernadette are in our lives and that they keep in touch. despite the distance bernadette has always trekked out to visit us. hopefully we can continue to make fond memories with each other and especially with our kids.

dearest aj and jasmine, you have such great parents. they are loving, kind, thoughtful, and absolutely wonderful. your uncle banard isn't bad either (*wink, actually he's amazing!). our prayers for you are that you would both know God's perfect plan for your lives and know that your parents love you dearly and want the best for you. we pray that you both would grow into the man and woman God has called you to be and also that you are both loved dearly by sooo many people. do not ever discount the love of your parents and those around you. you both are precious gifts and we are all blessed that you are in our lives.

dearest bernard and bernadette, thank you for the visit. you probably didn't notice how your visit encouraged me. it was sooo sweet of you to come and i am deeply thankful for the love you showed me/us on friday. you both have grown to be such beautiful individuals and i am blessed to know that i am a part of your lives. i am soo proud of you guys! we've had such great memories of growing up and i eagerly await the new ones we'll create with our own kids. i love you guys!

out and about

yesterday jon, helen, and mateo invited me and asher to go out with them. i have been very hesitant to venture out into the world with little guy because i don't know how to manage his needs. jon said i couldn't stay cooped up inside all the time and encouraged me to just go out. i don't know what came over me, usually i'll make up an excuse to stay in, but i was feeling brave enough and decided on going out. it was the best thing for me, for us.

asher had his initial meal in the car ride to lombard, vomitted it all up, which was ok, i had to deal with that. had intermittent naps, managed his crankiness. had a good lunch at uncle julio's and asher was fussy, but he did allow me to get a quick bite =). little man had a burp he couldn't get out after he fed, fortunately we were done with our meal. afterwards we headed to oakbrook mall and asher was asleep the whole time, usually konks out after his meals and the movement in the snugli lulled him to sleep. just before we left the mall we did a quick stop at nordstrom's for diaper change and since he was awake and in good spirits i figured i'd nurse him. nordstrom's has a great women's lounge with a nursing lounge! he did really well, but on the ride back home, it was intermittent fussiness.

it really was great spending time with them and i'm glad i went out. mateo was a great manong, during asher's fussy episodes, mateo would offer his bottle to soothe asher, soooo sweet of him. then when we dropped asher off at home so poppa could change his diaper, mateo cried because he didn't want asher to leave. mateo will be a great manong to asher. felix asked if i took pictures to document the moment, unfortunately i did not. rather i have one of mateo, asher, and their wonderful inang.

i'm glad i went out and glad it was with jon, helen, and mateo. thanks guys for being so encouraging and supportive! i love you guys!

and a new life for us...

asher's two month birthday is approaching, next friday. life is certainly different for us. we keep looking at each other and can't believe how things are very different. the way we view life is different, the way we do things are different, even how we think is different. when you have a child the world in general looks different. i think primarily because you want things to be perfect for your child and if it isn't you will do your darn best to make it so.

asher's first month was quite an adjustment. not only was he born early, he had mild reflux that has gotten better on its own, and he ended up being colicky. triple whammy! our nights were spent propping him up so he didn't vomit, swaddling, dancing the colic dance, bouncing on the pilates ball, and listening to his favorite channel, channel 3 (white noise); and other colic remedies. it was really hard trying to calm him and put him to sleep. the most helpful book we found was "the happiest baby on the block" by dr. karp. a must read for any parent whether the baby is colicky or not. great information for calming any baby. he's much better these days and we wonder if it's the calm before the storm. the books we've been reading say that sometimes babies grow out of being colicky when their bodies get stronger, more mature, and put on weight (between 3-4 months). asher will be 2 months next week, so maybe he'll be early; at least that's what we're praying for.

it's only 9:30pm and we're both wiped. we were tired at 8:30pm, but little man was up for happy hour (gets colicky between 6 and 9pm, sometimes till 12am); happy hour is the term coined for when colicky babies experience their fussing/crying fits. he started just after 7:30pm, at least he gave momma and poppa a chance to have dinner together. then the marathon feeding began shortly thereafter. i couldn't keep up so he's now feeding from a bottle and he definitely has been protesting it. sorry little guy but momma is running on empty. felix has been great in giving me some relief. mr wonderful truly lives up to his name ;). so far, that's what life has been like the past two months.

asher has definitely been growing and getting older. he's having more awake time and when he isn't fussing, has been able to sleep up to 4 hours! which has been wonderful. we've seen more of his gassy smiles when he's falling asleep and we can see that he'll have a really cute smile. when he's awake he's attentive and we can't wait till he responds to us with a smile. his gassy smiles already melt our hearts, how much more when it's in response to us. we can't wait.

babe's birth story

saturday, june 16th; scheduled the usual non-stress test (nst) because of my gestational diabetes and hypertension. especially since my due date was fast approaching. by this time i was 36 weeks and 4 days preggers. two weeks prior we had an ultrasound to check on babe's progress and the ultrasound tech noticed that my amniotic fluid was low. so dr. a decided to check again to see what the real count would be. she said the count was just fine and that often times the techs are cautious when checking the levels around the umbilical cord. because it's hard to really read around the cord. so far everything looked good, but to be on the safe side, weekly ultrasounds would be necessary to ensure the fluid levels were still good.

well, as of saturday, there was no fluid level to even register when i went in for the nst. dr. d wanted to check the level again since i was there and that's when she discovered that she couldn't even get a reading of 2 cms in fluid (meaning no fluid at all). i was a bit confused and distraught because i was by myself and afterwards was going to the shower lizel and candy were throwing for me. felix was with eric and the kids heading to brookfield zoo. i asked dr. d if there was any way i could come back, and she frankly said "no, there is no fluid in your uterus and the risk to the baby is great. meaning your baby might die." well, that was pretty clear, i was staying put in the hospital. i told her that i was on my way to my shower and that felix wasn't here. she said to call felix and have my friends bring the shower to me in the hospital since it will be a while till things really start progressing.

the calls began, i told felix he needed to come to the hospital and the whole thing was pretty shocking for him. fortunately, they hadn't made it to the zoo yet, rather they were eating breakfast at dunkin donuts not too far from the house. called candy and told her i couldn't make it and that they could bring the shower to me at the hospital. all of this is a blur right now, so bare with me if i forget minor details. i love these ladies, they have been super wonderful to me/us during this whole pregnancy. they've cried, prayed, loved, supported, and encouraged me/us through this journey of wanting a child.

the shower at the hospital was sweet. not all the ladies were able to come, but it was really nice to see some friends and have them pray for me/us. the cake that candy ordered for me was absolutely wonderful. i can't exactly remember the verse she had on there, but it was beautiful. i'll have to get the pictures from candy, she took a ton of them for me. felix finally made it and had brought the stuff that i had set aside, but because we weren't really prepared for having the baby so soon, not all my stuff that i wanted to bring to the hospital was ready. but felix did his best to pack what he thought i needed.

here is how the labor and delivery started:
so i had cervidol applied to ripen my cervix (around1pm) and when dr. d checked my cervix i was already 2 cms dilated prior to the cervidol. felix said he knew it, i was experiencing pre-labor symptoms when i mentioned to him i was feeling backpains. i didn't think anything of it because i have had backpains throughout my pregnancy. but since my due date was close, he thought i could have this baby anytime. around 10:30pm i had pitocin and around 1:30am i had an epidural inserted. the epidural really didn't do the job because throughout the night i felt the contractions. felix called carol, our doula, to let her know what was going on and to keep her updated. we told her it wasn't necessary for her to come since i had the epidural, but i'm glad she didn't listen to us. carol was absolutely wonderful, she came late morning and was with us the whole time. the contractions were getting stronger and more painful and i kept telling felix and carol that it was getting hard to manage the pain. the anesthesiologist came and i told him the pain was too intense and he increased the epidural. throughout the day the epidural wasn't doing the job, so by 1pm i told them something needs to change. the anesthesiologist suggested a new epidural insertion and i told him YES! so by 3pm i had a new epidural and was feeling nothing but the contractions which seemed like slight nudges, no pain involved. it was like night and day. prior to the second epidural i was in tears, 15 minutes after the new epidural i was laughing and was able to rest comfortably. two hours later after another check, i was at 10 cms dilated and was ready to push. felix had gone to get a quick bite since it might be a long night. when he was gone, kim, my nurse, said it was time and they started getting things ready for the delivery. felix hadn't made it back yet and i was a bit worried that i'd start before he got back. but he finally made it and was a bit shocked to see the room transformed and ready for the delivery. everyone got in their positions and before i knew it, my legs were up and i was instructed to start pushing. pushing lasted 50 minutes, not bad from what everyone was saying for a first time delivery.

babe was pretty far down in my birth canal because my first push i was able to see his head. there was alot of hair, i pushed a bit more and babe's head started appearing, don't remember when exactly, but they told me to do a strong push to get babe's head out and when i did dr. d said to slow the push a bit. i tried but babe had other plans and when his head appeared his body shortly followed. dr. d asked if felix would like to cut the umbilical cord and he did. he said the whole experience happened so fast for him. babe didn't come out screaming so they rushed him to the warmer and started working on him to get him to cry. his heartrate was good, color was good, but no crying. they were administering oxygen and a few minutes later we heard his beautiful cry. during the whole time, i was focused on babe that i didn't notice that i had delivered my placenta. felix watched it come out easily. i didn't even feel the urge to push it out. i know i'm not giving you all the details, but two months later one tends to forget stuff. fortunately, carol kept a birth log and we have that to look back on.

welcome our beautiful baby boy: asher gil castillo chan born father's day, 17 june 2007 at 6:54pm. he was 5lbs. 9oz., 19 inches long. felix said the best father's day gift ever.
we love you!!!

time has flown by...

ok, time has flown by and the pregnancy weeks have come and gone. bottomline is babe has been born and we're in the midst of newborn bliss (NOT!). i will chronicle the life and times of two newly initiated parents (i.e. sleep deprived on the verge of a mental breakdown parents of a 1 month old newbie).

sorry for not having posted but, as you can see babe was ready to be born. stay tuned for more news. gotta sleep since babe is sleeping....

our lovely boys

30 weeks

wow! 30 weeks!! where has the time gone??? sorry for not blogging. busy, tired, and just plain lazy. i had all these grand ideas of blogs, as you can see nothing materialized. i figured i needed to chronicle the last 10 weeks since the last post. so hear goes... hang in there.

2nd level 2 ultrasound wasn't successful. babe wasn't breached this time, but curled up and uncooperative. so doctor still couldn't see the lower half of the spine to rule out anything. he reassured us he thought everything was fine, but to be on the safe side he wanted to do a fetal mri. so in i go the following week, earliest possible appointment was wednesday. if you've never had to go do an mri, it's like being in a coffin with the ends open. it was horrible, but i got through it. finally saw the lower spine and everything checked out normally. that was a relief. i was on the table for 1.5 hours strapped down and unable to move. thank god it's over.

we signed up for childbirth classes. two in fact. one through sweet pea studios and the other through the hospital (rush north shore medical center). both are absolutely great. we're learning so much about natural childbirth and the benefits of laboring and delivering naturally. what we've learned is that the woman's body was made for pregnancy and has its own coping mechanisms to labor and deliver. our society has made the whole process seem all too scarey and unnatural. we've also decided on having a doula assist us during our whole birthing process. we are seeing what a valuable source of encouragement and support she would be to us during this whole process. so in a sense we're going crispy (not necessarily crunchy =)). don't get me wrong, we're not absolutely opposed to medical intervention, only if deemed life threatening. we want to minimize the stress on the baby and myself. the knowledge we're gaining from our classes and the people we're talking with have been great.

well, praying for a quick and easy labor and delivery!

level 2

so we had our 20 week ultrasound (which really happened at 21 weeks) last friday. just a word on the level 2 ultrasound, this is in place of an amniocentisis. since i am a high risk pregnancy the doctor always gives us information on the amnio and since we would not terminate this pregnancy if we find out the baby is not healthy, our ob suggested a level 2 ultrasound which is a more detailed u.s. of the baby not invasive as the amnio. a longer process and measures everything, literally everything (1.5 hours long).

i had been anxious for some time. all the books and websites said i should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat with a stethoscope, as well as feel definitive kicks and movements. well...i grabbed the stethoscope my mom had given me to monitor my blood pressure with and stuck it to my belly eagerly looking for that heartbeat. i heard nothing! just swishing and gas sounds. i was distraught. did something happen to the baby? have i not been taking care of myself? mw saw me distressed and said the baby may be positioned in a way that prevented me from hearing the heartbeat and not to worry. how would he know? i was depressed for days. and the movements i thought i was feeling, now i couldn't be sure. was that just gas? my stomach telling me its hungry? what the heck?!? where was that darn heartbeat??? all mw's encouraging words didn't alleviate my worries. so friday finally came and there was babe! in all his or her glory breached! babe was doing just fine. the u.s. tech kept saying "beautiful spine, beautiful brain, beautiful hands and feet, etc..." we were in awe of how much babe had grown, 15 oz. unfortunately, babe was uncooperative. babe was moving alot and in the breached position, so the tech couldn't get a good profile or face view of the baby. also, couldn't get a good picture of the lower half of the baby. babe was curled and often times moving too much to capture a good look down there. the tech was able to see what the sex of the baby is but didn't tell us since we said we didn't, err i didn't want to know. there was a moment of weakness and temptation, but i resisted. i told mw later that i was considering knowing the sex and he was shocked. then i quickly told him, that was just a moment and don't count on another occasion, i could see in his eyes that he was making a mental note to self to ask when he sees me weak =). well, since babe was uncooperative and still early, we have to go back in three weeks for a follow-up to check on the lower regions to make sure everything looks good. praying babe cooperates then.

it was absolutely amazing to see babe's brain, the two hemispheres; the four chambers of the heart, beating beautifully and rapidly. then to see a kick and actually feel it at the same time, no denying now what i've been feeling are kicks and lots of movement. we got a great shot of babe's hand, all babe's fingers =). after leaving the hospital, we were just in awe of this life growing in me. we are excited and are also feeling very much unprepared. but who ever is?

god is absolutely amazing in all in his goodness. we have been through so much and still feel blessed in so many ways. this baby is truly a blessing and we can't wait to celebrate with everyone this life god has given us.

part 2 of half way there

so we were in fci all of last year. going through ultrasounds, blood tests, sperm samples, shots, and one attempt at insemination. all nicely covered by hmo :).

our first try at insemination was unsuccessful. very disappointing, but definitely a learning experience for us and for our care team. this was also our disappointing first false positive.

it was in october when we were scheduled for our second try at insem. my body was primed and ready to go. the weekend of our insem, mw, lil bro, and i ran the bucktown 5k. i was feeling not so hot that day. was experiencing some side pains which i attributed as cramps. nothing terribly debilitating, but a minor annoyance. finished the 5k and that evening had a celebratory roll in the hay ;). monday morning, was feeling same side annoyance, but proceeded to go for my routine ultrasound to check follicles. care team was excited, three very promising follicles (triplets possibly?). midday at work, pain in my side was now blinding. i was in the bathroom stall literally passing out. the only thing that kept me upright was the constant flow of people and flushing from the neighboring stalls. when i relieved myself, i rushed to the phone, called my doctor's office and asked to be seen right away. only available was 2:30pm (it was 1:30pm). i said i'd be there, and after hanging up called mw right away to come and pick me up. in short, i was passing a kidney stone! this was not good. my regular doc wouldn't be in the office until wednesday, so i had to be seen by her associate. who cares, just see me! interim doc suggested to hold off on insem because i needed to have xrays and ct scans done. and if i was preggers, it would be detrimental to the baby. don't want to risk it she said. i was devastated, we were devastated. my body was primed! no way! couldn't there be another way???? in the end, the day we were to do insem, i passed the stone! darn little thing was the size of a peppercorn.

so, thus begins our journey of medical discoveries... november found out i had a strep bovis virus living in me. possibly on my kidney stones which come to find out from the ct scans i have several in both kidneys. small enough to pass and cause huge amounts of pain. my physicians thought that it could be treated and eliminated with amoxicillan, but no go. now this nasty little virus if not treated could cause colon cancer and heart failure, so there is great need to get rid of this little bug. so in i go for an echocardiogram, colonoscopy, and egd (scope down throat to stomach). good news, all came back negative. because of all the treatments and tests i was going through, we decided to hold off on starting fertility treatments till 2007.

december comes and goes without much incident. except some minor dry heaves and extreme fatigue. but all in all a good month. by christmas week i was craving pickles like nobody's business. i told mw and he suggested taking a test. for what i asked, we couldn't be preggers. finally, a friend at work looked at me and said i looked funny, in a good way, glowy like i was PREGNANT! she suggested i take a test and see my doctor. i told her that it was impossible and that i would do no such thing. finally and because i didn't have the energy to get up and go pee new year's weekend, i decided to take a pregnancy test on new year's eve. i peed on the stick and crawled back in to bed. mw looked at the results (it was positive) and since i didn't say anything to him, he thought it couldn't be true. he had to go to church to direct parking, and i couldn't even open my eyes, so i stayed in bed till about noon. crawled out of bed, peed, took a look at the stick and almost fell off the pot. was that a POSITIVE!?! couldn't be! i consulted the little pamphlet that came with the tests over and over again, even comparing the stick to the pictures on the paper. mw came home, i told him i think we're preggers and he was dumbfounded. he was wondering since i didn't say anything, and since we had a false positive over the summer, it couldn't be. let's take another one that night. that night, second test was POSITIVE! no stinkin' way! a bit giddy and still apprehensive, let's take another one tomorrow just to be on the safe side. new year's day...POSITIVE! three POSITIVES!

can't deny it any longer, we are preggers. and a final blood test with fci confirmed we were expecting.

so the following monday we went in for an ultrasound and discovered we were 13 weeks and 4 days pregnant! what the??!!?? and there began our journey :) by the way, that's how we came up with the title for my blog. it's a play on meanings...3 positive hpt's and the three of us (felix/mw, z/mommatobe, & our first born dog kona (aka bubba) plus babe (bun in the oven).